Try Not to be Useless

dreaming is the best i can do sometimes
to feel that sweet explosion
like a hand down my pants
or a good long sneeze

last night, before i fell asleep
i thought to myself
tonight will be a sweet one
and i'll dream of blueberry waffles
walks on the beach
and a rock n' roll cello

yet, i'm dreaming awake
of the most mundane things
like brushing my teeth
and eating grits when there's
just no butter to be found

but tonight i'll get to try again
and close my eyes and hope
that i dream of something nice
like flying with the geese,
eating twizzlers,
and long walks to nowhere.

Party of The First Part

why are you carrying around a net?
oh, i see. but you can't catch an imagination, you know.

you're art to me
a thousand shades of blue
in your voice
you're music to me
i hear the revolution
when you walk

i've got no rhythm
but i can snap and bend
and i may have no rhyme
but i can shake and sway

oh, simple bliss of eating salad
feels like having a million tons
of dried rice being poured down
all over your body while you stand
and spin

oh, to look at the sunset
sensory overload screams from the trees
and when the colors hit your eye
you stagger as if slapped in the face
with a piece of toast

oh, to be in love again
not the first time
or the last time
but oh, to be in love
the next closest thing
is to fall into a blender
with strawberries and chocolate.

Which Way Does The Girl Turn?

we are all prostitutes
but especially you
if a single thought in your head
was worth a feast
then a poor man could starve
on a girl like you

you've got some nerve
you useless man
there was a song
a bird singing it
but you shot it down
to spare yourself the racket

i think if i did point my gun
at your pretty face
and told you, "create a diversion!"
you'd yell, "FIRE!"

Poke in the Eye

who are you
marbled salamander child
slither up from the depths
just to tease my hair

who are you
every time i look at those pictures
i feel that pinch
that pull
that knock on the door
that poke in the eye
and who are you

to think that you can pin the blame
but sir you have no name
no game
no plans
no inhibitions
sir, what you lack is purpose

so dive deep down
beneath the rocks
and cry your
slimy salamander tears

i make the air fall apart
like the lyrics in some song
written a thousand times

oh, to be the cream

A Letter From Some Bunny

mother bunny's paws are sore
working in the garden
digging up her carrots
to send her sons at war

mother bunny licks a stamp
wraps it up with lettuce
to send to thomas
fred
and jimmy
paul and lance and george and timmy

mother bunny sits by a fire
all her boys are far away
mother bunny feels so funny
shuts her eyes until another day

The Sun Don't Shine in Your TV

hey and phone home
the only thing men don't do
hey and phone home
and what good is that
if you just don't
call

hey jude, come on joe
i'm going to show you some things
that you need to know
can i show you a story
of love that lasted
forever

Some things confuse little people
and i find myself to be one of them
living in a flower house
seeing everything and nothing all at once
hey and phone home now
just gotta chat a while
hey and phone home you
you need me
don't you

and the subtle funny thing is how you tell me all the time
you don't want to be with me but still you stand in line
with funky little fingers which get caught tangled hair
you stay until the evening just to tell me you don't care
and if you don't get what you want you say that it's okay
you act like you'll be leaving soon but never go the fuck away

hey and phone home
right now baby
tell me you want me or be on your way
hey now and phone home now baby
you wern't really worth it anyway.

Stranger Danger

holy fool, how you taunt me
sing it out like something you stepped on
leaves crumble under my feet
rustling in resistance
was it really my time?


we are men of action
lies do not become us
so go lick the edges of tinfoil
and i promise
the results will be very red

okay and so
it's clear
that my head
is as empty
as what

a flower pot
a blank slate
a swiss-cheese bucket
a carved pumpkin

and it's because my brain
is a ufo
sending out some strange silly signals

mindfuck, hello
goodbye and where are you going?
who really knows?
were you ever here?
ohhhhh sunshine
bring on another day
just like yesterday
which is just like tomorrow
or the next day
or the day after that
or the day after that...

Blue Monday

how does it feel
to like a girl like me
it's obvious i know nothing
even though my intentions are good
but you know what they say about
the best laid plans of mice and men
and i was always more of a man
than any other mouse ever was
and i'll try to please you
like a good little one
how does it feel now?

Scrunchies Not Allowed

school bus forest fire
run out of the ashes
a lean liquid
are you ready for it?

who to sue?
call her up just to hear her gritty smile
splatter platter
eggs on toast

come now, don't be a hot dog
all wrapped up in a bun
as if you're worth something.

Nerves

nerves
gotta love em
that slick slimey sensation
of pure unadulterated terror
even when you feel so good
they just get in the way
nerves
do you like me?
nerves
will i win?
nerves
stage fright, stage fright.
nerves
we need to talk now
nerves
call me when you get this
nerves
nerves
nerves
are we moving too fast?
i haven't thrown up have i? carry on!




nerves.

Rhymes With Orange

smile once in a while
turn up the volume
when you blow your nose
you look so slick on the pavement

once in a while, i could believe
that we were meant to be
then i shrug and say
you wern't worth it after all

smile once in a while
it may be your first
your last
and your always

smile for me
like buttah
so smooth
you're creamy white
don't even think about it
you're so soft and lonely.

but only once in a while.

Angry Feminist Nursery Rhymes

As a youngin' i liked to walk around
and pick up chicks on the 409
all while whistlin' some humble tune
maybe some Rod Stewart
and clippin' my fingernails.

It's because you can lie
between my teeth
and vanish behind the sheets
in the blink of an eyelash
just like that

R.I.P

CIA FDA IRA PTA LSD UFO NFL RIP
look out in the meadow for
the people in the weeds
CIA technicians
marble bastards
petty theives

walking through the forests
wild things are all around
step over whatever
might be lying on the ground

rolling down the hillside
tons of colors passing by
my head explodes
my heart implodes
i crumble down
and die
CIA FDA IRA PTA LSD UFO NFL RIP
i am gone and you are gone and we're all gone yeah she said.

Can I Mow Your Lawn?

hello femininity!
calling up from the ground-
a subtle question
can i mow your lawn?
and you may not just see it
but i want to shave my head
grow out my leg hair
and date men!

Snap Crackle Pop

Up from the heat
A field of turnips
Giving life
To that gluey farmer
With his feet stuck
In the mud

Up on the beach
A half-eaten hotdog
Lays abandoned
A metal detector beeps
Something in the bun
Unknown riches

Up in the mountains
It's not really snow
But parmesan cheese
Sprinkled lazily
About the slope
With a giant spoon.